So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
