8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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