Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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