in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
