Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
