Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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