He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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