i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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