Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
