I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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