So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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