his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
