Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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