i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
