i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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