And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
