I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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