I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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