no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
