a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
