but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
