I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
