I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
