My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
