you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
