He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
