I accidentally burped into my bong.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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