You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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