yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
