Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
