arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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