Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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