Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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