Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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