you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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