i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
