the condom got lost in my hair
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
