I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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