I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
