I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
