I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
too bad you live with your parents still
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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