at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
