So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize