It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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