How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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