This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
