Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
