My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
