There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
