Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
