I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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