hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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