I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
