This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
