Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
