my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
