i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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