What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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