Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
