in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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