its not stalking. its research.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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