I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
