Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
