Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
