cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
