That's intense
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
