I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
