all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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