My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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