Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
