then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
