The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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