Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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