the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
