I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
